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Carrots & Peas Fun Facts (from Carrots & Peas)


The Nicest Place

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Polly Pry: And then I thought about how lonely you must be, in this dark, nasty cell all cooped up.
Packer: Hey, you really think so? This is the nicest place I've lived in a really long time.

Trials and Tribulations

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Bell: Trials and tribulations, that's what life's all about! Now are we gonna let this one little thing keep us from fulfilling our dreams?!
Miners: Yes!
Bell: Oh, come on now. We've gotta be strong, don't we?
Miners: No!

My Horse, Liane

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Carrots & Peas  Packer: I'm Alferd Packer, this is my horse, Liane.

You're Doomed!

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Carrots & Peas  Crazy Old Ralph: You'll never come back again!! It's got a curse on it!
Humphrey: Provo?
Crazy Old Ralph: The Rocky Mountains! I gotta warn ya... You're doomed! Doomed! Doomed! You're doomed! Doomed!
[The miners look scared.]
Crazy Old Ralph: Turn back while you still can! You're doomed! You're all doomed!
[Crazy Old Ralph walks away.]
Bell & Packer: Thank you.

Howdy!

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Carrots & Peas  Bell: Howdy!
Store Clerk: Howdy!
Noon: Howdy!
Store Clerk: Howdy!
Swan: Howdy-do!
Store Clerk: Howdy!
Miller: Howdy!
Store Clerk: Howdy-do!
Humphrey: Howdy!
Store Clerk: Howdy!
Packer: Howdy-do!
Store Clerk: Howdy!

Time Out

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Bell: Anyone who can't get along with the others has to sit twenty feet away by themselves for an hour.
Swan: That's a good idea. It gives you a chance to cool down when things get steamed up.
Bell: Exactly.
Miller: You've gotta be kidding me.

You're French?

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Carrots & Peas  Packer: I'm Alferd Packer.
Frenchy: Frenchy Cabazon.
Packer: Oh, you're French.
Frenchy: No.

Little Dead Animals

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Frenchy: Say, you gents wanna trade some furs for the trip?
[Frenchy reaches into a blood-stained canvas bag and pulls out a string of dead animals.]
Frenchy: We got rabbits and beavers.
Swan: Oh, how horrible!
Humphrey: Where'd you guys get all those little dead animals?
Loutzenheiser: We're trappers, stupid!
Packer: Poor little bunny rabbits.

Nice Hat!

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Loutzenheiser: You ain't trappers.
Miller: No, we're miners.
Nutter: You're diggers!
Loutzenheiser: Trapper horse ain't supposed to be with no digger!
Humphrey: Nice hat!

You Son of a Bitch Humphrey

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  [Watching Humphrey cook some nasty green crap.]
Miller: You son of a bitch Humphrey!
Humphrey: Oh come on. You haven't even tried it yet!
[Miller tries some of the crap.]
Miller: You son of a bitch Humphrey!

A Horse is a Horse

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Carrots & Peas  Packer: Hey, do you guys think it's true that she's a trapper horse?
Bell: Ohhh, a horse is a horse.
Humphrey: Of course.
Packer: Of course.

Constructive

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Bell: Now, listen, we've got a long journey ahead of us. It's important that we all get along. Now, you're hurting people's feelings. You're gonna have to find a more constructive way to express your anger.
Miller: Okay, well fuck you! How's that for constructive?
Bell: That's great. Now go to time out mister.
Swan: We warned you.

What? ... What?

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Noon: I mean I'm 19 now, you know. I mean I just wanna get in there and see what it feels like to...you know.
Packer: What?
Bell: Well young man, if there's half as much gold in those hills as people say, you'll be rich, and you won't have any problem finding, uhhh...that.
Packer: What? ... What?

Bear Trap

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Carrots & Peas Carrots & Peas  Humphrey: Watch out for that bear trap.
Bell: What?
[Bear trap snaps on Bell's leg.]
Bell: Ahhhhhhhh!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!! Shpadoinkle!!!

My Balls!

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Noon: You guys! I can't feel my balls!

Nice Tall Blonde...

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Carrots & Peas  Humphrey: Oh gosh, I never thought I'd be sleeping next to a naked man on this trip.
Noon: Just do what I'm doing. Just pretend like you're laying next to a nice soft woman.
Miller: What?!
Noon: I'm just imagining old Mr. Miller here as a nice tall blonde.
Miller: Aww, goddammit! I want a different partner!

Fudge, Packer?

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Humphrey: Fudge, Packer?

Just the Colorado

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Humphrey: Are there any more big rivers between here and Breckenridge? - [imitating Packer] Oh no, just the Colorado. - The biggest fucking river I've seen in my entire life he said dripping with water!

Walk Around It

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  [The miners approach the Grand Canyon.]
Packer: Come on, we can just walk around it. It can't be that big.

Ute?

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Indian #1: Kimi wa nani mono da? (Who are you?)
Bell: Morning!
Packer: Morning!
Bell: Oh shit.
Indian #2: Kitanai minari shiyagatte. (Your clothing is really shabby.)
Bell: What is that, Ute?
Packer: I don't know.
Indian #1: Momotaro shiteru na? (Know about Momotaro*?)
["Indians" start laughing. Then the miners start laughing uncomfortably.]
Noon: What the hell kind of language is that?
Packer: I don't know, just keep laughing.

Momotaro is Japanese for "Peach Boy." It is one of the best-known Japanese folk tales.

Weep-wah, Weep-wah

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Carrots & Peas  Humphrey: Wait, you guys. Let me talk to them. I know how to speak Indian.
Bell: We're gonna die.
Humphrey: Weep-wah, weep-wah, surro no happo? (~Not really Japanese.~)
Indian #2: Nani itto n jaa, omee? (What the heck are you saying?)
Humphrey: He says, "Welcome to the land of blue light."
[Humphrey simultaneously signs "Jesus Christ is dead."]
Indian #2: Omai wa sono uchi, sakana to ishoo ni onemu suru koto ni naru, zo! (Keep it up and you'll be sleeping with the fishes, see?!)
Humphrey: "I am a carpenter, and this is my brother, Tom."

Stupid Movie

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Carrots & Peas  Indian #2: Nanda?! Sugu kotchi koi!! Haiyaku! Haiyaku! (What the heck?! Come here immediately!! Quickly! Quickly!)
Indian #1: Kuso, bakayarou! Kono eiga ga daikirai zo. (Shit, you moron! I hate this movie.)
Humphrey: Uh, you guys, I think they want us to follow them.
Indian #1: Ike. Kono eiga ga suggoi baka na eiga da na! (Go. This is a really stupid movie!)
Packer: What should we do?
Noon: Maybe they just want Humphrey.
Indian #1: Kotchi koi!! (Come here!!)
Bell: I guess we don't have much choice.

Who Are You?

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Chief: Ya ya ya! Yoku kita na! Kimi ga kono eiga no shujinkoo na n daroo? (Hi hi hi! Welcome! I guess you are the hero of this movie?)
Humphrey: He says...
Chief: Who are you, assholes?
Humphrey: Oh, he speaks English!

We are Indians

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Carrots & Peas  Bell: Could you tell me what tribe this is?
Chief: We are...Indians.
Bell: Yes I see that, but what Indians?
Chief: You don't think we are Indians?
Bell: No, no, no, I just uh...
Chief: We have teepees!
Bell: Right! I see, but...
Chief: Look at all these teepees we have. Because...we are...Indians.
Packer: Yeah, they have teepees.

Yep Yep

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  [Noon tries to make small talk with the Indian girl.]
Noon: Yep. Yep yep yep yep yep yep. I like your feather.
[Indian girl smiles and looks down.]
Noon: Yep yep yep yep yep yep.
[Noon jiggles his keys and walks off.]

Nice Hat! (Reprise)

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Frenchy: A trapper horse can't spend her whole life with no boring, dumb, cheezmo miner!
[The trappers laugh and go back to tending their furs.]
Packer: Well, it's better than just leaving traps where people can step in 'em... and stuff!
Noon: Yeah, and killing all those furry little animals all the time.
Loutzenheiser: Aw, don't hurt the little animals.
Humphrey: Niiice hat!

Wrong Key

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Carrots & Peas Carrots & Peas  [The trappers get interrupted while singing a song.]
Humphrey: Oh, Stop!
Noon: That's sick.
Frenchy: I agree. Nutter, you were singing in the wrong key!
Nutter: No I wasn't. It was Loutzenheiser. I was singing in Eb minor.
Frenchy: The song's in F# major!
Bell: I think they're the same thing. I mean, Eb is the relative minor of F#.
Frenchy: No, it isn't. The relative minor is 3 half-tones down from the major, not up!
Noon: No, it's 3 down. Like A is the relative minor of C major.
Loutzenheiser: But isn't A# in C major?
Bell: Wait, are you singing mixolydian scales, or something?
Frenchy: A# is tonic to C major. It's the 6!
Humphrey: No it isn't!
Swan: Well, it'd be like a raised 13th if anything.
Frenchy: Oh well. You guys are just a bunch of loser diggers anyhow!
Humphrey: Oh see. You know we're right!

Liar

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Packer: You're a liar!
Frenchy: You calling me a LIAR?
Packer: Yes?

Personal Space

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Swan: Hey, hey, hey now. Do you need to go to timeout?
[Frenchy punches Swan, who falls to the ground with a smile on his face.]
Frenchy: Anyone else? Huh? Huh?
[The miners back away.]
Frenchy: Then get out of my personal space!

Waiting to Die

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Polly Pry: How are you doing?
Packer: How am I doing? Have you ever been sitting around waiting to die?
Polly Pry: Yes! I have as a matter of fact!
Packer: When?!
Polly Pry: Well alright, I've never really...

Crazy Trappers

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Chief: You have nothing to worry about. Those crazy twappers left this morning.
Packer: Oh really, good...They what?!
Chief: Yeah, they decided to go ahead. Although I told them not to. Those crazy trappers.

Very Interesting

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  [Noon having a conversation with an Indian girl.]
Noon: I may look tough and mean-spirited but I'm really a sensitive artist.
Tomomi: That's very interesting.
Noon: I paint, and I sculpt with my hands.
Tomomi: That's very interesting too.
Noon: You have no idea what I'm saying, do you?
Tomomi: That's very interesting.

Sex-starved Pervert

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Bell: If the trappers saw a break in the storm that could mean something. This could be the last chance we get to get out of here for months.
Noon: It's the middle of the winter. You heard the chief! He said to stay here! Remember? He said clearly...
Bell: Now, now, now calm down, okay. I mean Breckenridge can't be that far, right?
Packer: Yeah!
Bell: Besides, if you'd quit acting like a sex-starved little mister pervert, we'd be able to get out of here!
Tomomi: He he he ha ha ha ha, OK.

You Crazy Too!

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Chief: What?! You leaving? You crazy too!

Southern Boys

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Cyclops: Are you lookin' at my eye?!!!
Miners: Ahhhhhhhh!!!
Cyclops: Are you lookin' at my eye?!!!
Miners: No. No. No. Not at all.
Cyclops: A union army soldier did this to me in the big one. Any of you boys fight for the union army?
Miller: Shucks no!
Bell: Shucky dang darn!
Cyclops: So, you the boys been killin' all my sheepies with those traps.
Noon: Nawww! We just now gots here!
Cyclops: Where you from?
Humphrey: Nashville!
Cyclops: Damn, it's good to see some southern boys. It's been a long time. Well, I wish I were in the land of cotton. Old times there are not forgotten. Look away! Look away! Look away!
[Everyone bobs their head to the beat.]
Humphrey: Ya stupid yank!
Cyclops: You ain't southern boys!
Miners: Ahhhhhhhh!!!

Discovery

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Humphrey: Excuse me. I've been doing some thinking. Ummm...just kind of looking at our situation here, and I've come to the conclusion that we're completely fucked! Has anybody else made this discovery?

Shoes

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  [Miller suggests they eat their shoes to help them survive.]
Humphrey: Well I'm not eating my fucking shoes!

Mysterious Ways

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  [The miners are starving and on the brink of death.]
Bell: The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Miller: You realize how stupid that sounds right now, don't you?
Bell: Yes I do.

Donner Party

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Miller: Well haven't you ever heard of the Donner party?
Humphrey: Yeah, the Donner party, they got stuck in the California mountains.
Packer: They had to eat each other to stay alive.
[The miners all look over at their dead companion's body.]
Humphrey: Well heck yeah! Why not?!
Bell: Wait a minute Humphrey, you wouldn't even eat your shoes!
Humphrey: Well yeah, but you put your feet in shoes!

Not Butt!

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  [Miller is cutting a piece of meat from his dead companion.]
Humphrey: Wait, you're cutting into his butt!
Miller: Well what kind of piece do you want?
Humphrey: Well not butt!

Ike!

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Carrots & Peas  [Packer awakes from a nightmare.]
Packer: Ike!

Tapping Sound

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Humphrey: You guys! I just thought of something too.
Packer: What?
Humphrey: Okay, now, you remember when Swan was building that snowman? Well, how the hell did he make that tapping sound with his feet?
Noon: You just now thought of that?
Humphrey: Well it's pretty fucking weird, isn't it?!

Abe Lincoln

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Packer: You guys, look, Abe Lincoln.
Bell: Abe Lincoln?!
[Bell attacks Packer.]

So Cold

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Humphrey: So cold...can't move...can't feel...can't make complete sentences.

Nobody Eat Anybody

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Packer: We're almost up over this last ridge. We can probably see a long ways from there.
Noon: We can't do it Packer. We can't even stand up.
Packer: I'll go. You guys just watch the fire. And nobody eat anybody.

I Was Wrong

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Packer: Okay, you guys. I was wrong about the ridge...
[Packer looks at his mining buddies and they have all been murdered with blood everywhere.]
Packer: What are you guys doing?

Sunrise

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Sheriff of Saguache: Meet me at my office at sunrise. You know what they say about sunrise...
[Long pause, as the sheriff draws a blank and walks off.]

Jinkies!

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Carrots & Peas  Cyclops: Jinkies!

Wyoming

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  [Ms. Pry speaking to Packer in his jail cell.]
Polly Pry: You made it to Wyoming, right?
Packer: Yeah, but I would've been better off just letting those people catch me and kill me.
Polly Pry: Why?
Packer: You ever been to Wyoming?
[Cuts to scene of Packer in the middle of nowhere.]
Packer: Uhhh...hello?!
[Cuts back to the jail cell.] Polly Pry: Oh God, it sounds horrible!

Douche-bag!

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Guard #2: Douche-bag!

Cowbell Solo!

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Drunk Man: Cowbell Solo!
[Cowbell Solo.]

Well Alright!

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Carrots & Peas  Packer: Probably the most important thing is that when things get really bad and the world looks its darkest, you just have to throw up your hands and say "Well, alright!" cause it's probably gonna get a whole hell of a lot worse.

Die Cheezmo!

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Frenchy: Die Cheezmo!

God Bless Us!

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Carrots & Peas  Tiny Tim: God bless us, everyone!

You're Doomed! (Original Voice)

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  Crazy Old Ralph: You'll never come back again!! It's got a curse on it!
Humphrey: What? Provo?
Crazy Old Ralph: The Rocky Mountains! I gotta warn ya... You're doomed! Doomed! Doomed! You're doomed! Doomed!
[The miners look scared.]
Crazy Old Ralph: Turn back while you still can! You're doomed! You're all doomed!
[Crazy Old Ralph walks away.]
Bell & Packer: Thank you.

On The Stand (Deleted Scene)

mp3  RealAudio  Wave  Blank  [Packer is giving his deposition.]
Packer: In the canyon, we were all mining, but there was no gold left, so we decided to go to Breckenridge, 'cause we thought there was gold there and so we went to Breckenridge and then my horse ran away and it was really sad and I don't know, uhh, I guess I kinda cried for a while, not like crying is a bad thing y'know, I mean, and then Bell stepped in a bear trap and it's all CRGGHH on his leg and then we had to cross the river and there was no bridge and we're all just AAAHHH and we got to the other side and we're all wet and we were getting hypothermia and we're walking and we met up with some Indians and we stayed with them for a while cuz they said the winters were bad but we decided to go anyway and we were starving and starving and we saw a sheepie and we decided to kill it and then all of a sudden the Cyclops came out and he's all GRAAHH and then we just kept going and going and then Swan built a snowman and Bell got really angry and shot him in the head and so we ate him to stay alive, but then a bear ate the rest of him so we were still hungry and we go more and more and more and the snow was more and more and more and we're all AGGHHH and finally I did an impersonation of Abraham Lincoln and Bell got really mad and killed everybody and then I killed Bell in self-defense.

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